illithidnapped: (A26)

[personal profile] illithidnapped 2024-05-31 12:10 am (UTC)(link)
[He isn't anything like the others.

There's no cowing when he exhales. No simpering sightlines in his posture. What he says is sharp and determined each time he deigns to say anything at all, cutting through the air like a knife, and equally as honed once it hits Astarion's own ears: either he was a long, long time away from his former Master, or he was so well cherished he never once learned fear.

Either way, like the rest of this, it feels unreal.
]

'Was' is a very specific tense for such an important pet.

[Unlike Fenris, Astarion can't find it in himself to be direct in any line of questioning.

Instinct still has him by the throat.
]
illithidnapped: (A1)

[personal profile] illithidnapped 2024-06-01 12:02 am (UTC)(link)
[Everything present reiterates that tale. In the shortest imaginable span already, he'd cut down monsters— correction: demons— the likes of which Astarion has never seen. Misshapen grotesqueness too gruesome for even Cazador's bloodstained palette, though at most by a thinner margin, unmasked.

The pale elf tallies that with everything he knows thus far, and soundly at the top of that list stands a resolute fact he can't deny: no matter where he's wound up, wracked with strain and his own blood and the oddity of needing air, Astarion isn't safe. Hasn't ever been safe. But the striking creature sat nearby, knowing all the right things to say and yet sparing nothing for strangeness, might be the closest thing to that unattainable sense of safety.

And certainly the most inviting aspect of it.

Astarion stares too long despite himself. At the lopsided grin still flecked red along its border. At the ease and pride of it, spelled out only in the bottom line: he's dead, I left his broken body in the street, what of it? I want that, Astarion thinks hungrily. His stomach suddenly feeling even more barren than before under the loose lines of his torn shirt.

When he finally edges nearer to sit down fully by the fire, he isn't wary anymore.
]

What sort of man was he?

[Now that he knows what sort of man Fenris is.]
illithidnapped: (19)

[personal profile] illithidnapped 2024-06-02 01:45 am (UTC)(link)
[That Astarion's attention only briefly flickers towards the mare (mostly) minding her own business is a testament to rapt engrossment. Something so ingrained at the smallest sampling that not even Astarion's own fear can tear him off its back right now.]

Blood magic. [Is the sunken sound that leads in brittle disbelief.] Yes. That sounds familiar. [What a sick joke, that even entire realms away, masters are ever the same.

What a miracle that it's breakable.
]

And this is the first time in two centuries I haven't been able to feel his control over me from it. Or— [His body blinks. He has to breathe. Swallow on occasion. Beneath his ribs his heartbeat is a colting upswing of nausea that won't subside the longer he looks down towards his fingertips and finds his nails, well. Nails. No talons. No sign of clipping, only the soft beds of thinner outlines.] anything of him at all.

[No, on second observation, his tongue catches the backs of his fangs— canines and front teeth still dagger-sharp when and where he presses down. What of his eyes, then? His reflection? His deathly aversion to sunlight or running water?

It's too much to hope for. The next jolt from his pulse makes him certain he'll be sick, and he has to suck in air through his nostrils over the hard clap of his fingertips across his mouth when he doubles over just to keep it a suspicion, rather than fact. When he glances back up, it's with a question on his lips.
]

Did he change you?
illithidnapped: (A41)

[personal profile] illithidnapped 2024-06-06 05:04 am (UTC)(link)
[His legacy.

It's a familiar score, isn't it? The gouged-in brand of someone else's vision for the full span of your existence— eclipsing it— more than just your body or your looks, it's the measure of everything you know, inescapable without further mutilation: like the attached chain grown into skin for being too damned tight, the mutt will always have its scars even if it tears the leash line loose.

Astarion's mouth goes thin. Even with one eye firmly closed, his expression is both utterly transparent and entirely unreadable. An itch crawling up his spine before he wonders if the tatters of his shirt—

No. No, he knows where the borders are. Nothing's visible.
]

....lyrium?

[No lilt to his voice. No songbird cadence. He's angled in and the brightness of the firelight falls on pale features in just the right way to emphasize how blatantly he's let his own doggish defenses slip.]
illithidnapped: (135)

[personal profile] illithidnapped 2024-06-07 11:40 pm (UTC)(link)
[In a rare show, Astarion listens. Completely. Earnestly. Without a single vivisected thought aside from his initial kneejerk fascination over the concept of being immaterial without choice. A part of— no, not the Weave, then, but something that must serve as it in this world. It bypasses the immediate talk (albeit not completely; anyone once-branded can tell you that there's no overlooking the wretchedness of its presence when it strolls into a conversation like it has and always will belong there), but the temptation to ask to see it unobstructed sits front and center right until the end.

A fortune. Anguish irreversible. Pain.

Astarion has a shock of fallow green bored into his skin like glass, and it aches worse than any splinter. Imagining that on a grander scale— tracing with his eyes the places where those markings vanish behind thick leather and plate and rough fur—

It must be torture, whether it was designed to be or not (and Astarion has his suspicions the man's master didn't damned well care which was true), inevitably making both true.

Gods, but he still wants to see it for himself. Like an overeager pup, he's tipped forwards just a little more, almost twitching— before the idea of a world-ending nightmare brings about its own sort of sobriety, and a worried glance towards his own arm.
]

What of yours, then? [Another cast-off look. Another momentary pass.] If red lyrium corrupts, aren't you in danger? Is there any way to stop it?

illithidnapped: (A23)

[personal profile] illithidnapped 2024-06-09 11:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Don't you dare. [Could be the start of a mildly-formed joke if it weren't for the way sincere alertness throttles high throughout wan features: survival instincts front and center, stubborn in how avidly it all comes cutting in when Astarion would otherwise (no, should otherwise) be mindful of his bearing for that selfsame purpose.

He only has one lifeline out here. One.

And he can't afford to lose it.
]

If the idea is stay far enough away from it as possible at all times or risk losing yourself for good, believe me, red equals bad is all the description I'll ever need. And that goes for you, too.

[But the quickness of his tone abruptly hits his ears with renewed realization; like clockwork, the rag's folded over in his fingers, busy now with stubbornly swiping away the flaking peels of ruddy dried blood from his arms. Not so near to apologetic as having clearly self-corrected.

He's not some beaten animal (not fully, anyway). He knows he doesn't need to grovel. But as is the case from all prior reasoning, he can't go treating the man like one of his self-destructive siblings, either. Explanations and charm. There's no other way about it.
]

Doubly so if it's something that Corypheus is aiming to make use of. Too careful is not careful enough, trust me on that.
illithidnapped: (Every time the sun)

[personal profile] illithidnapped 2024-06-10 11:08 pm (UTC)(link)
I just—

[Think, and he shouldn't. Think, and he wants to. Be charming, Astarion. Be pleasant, Astarion. You're bleeding from the head and dragging your fractured leash behind you on the collar that's still attached; the rules that applied in the shadows of that city never stopped applying here just because there's nothing stifling his body. His free will.]

If you don't know everything about its influence, you could be half a bloody continent away and it still might not be enough in the end. What if he changes something about it? What if passive exposure does something to you over time?

You're— well.

I suppose it goes without saying that I'd rather not lose you yet.
Edited 2024-06-10 23:20 (UTC)
illithidnapped: (A13)

2/2

[personal profile] illithidnapped 2024-06-10 11:17 pm (UTC)(link)
[But as for the water— oh, he stops there once it's mentioned. Squeezes his grip a little tighter around that already abused portion of cloth before giving up the ghost, so to speak: short passage tracking its route from one damaged palm into a finely armored one. Something like a metaphor clinging for the lapse in his expression before a smile's worked back in.]

Ah.

I....erm. Very sweet of you, but there's no point in wasting your supplies, darling.

Trust me when I say I can make do.

[Last ditch effort, really. He's already turning slightly; running through the motions of bracing up for the scalding kiss of water on his skin. After all, the elf is right: better a few seconds of agony over hours spent scraping his own skin off in the dirt.]
Edited 2024-06-10 23:21 (UTC)
illithidnapped: (14)

[personal profile] illithidnapped 2024-06-12 12:13 am (UTC)(link)
[The hesitation of a former slave, yes. One that runs tight as tempered steel through his own shoulders on final, inevitable approach, setting jagged teeth down firm across the outlines of their twins in the seconds where he's grateful that eye's already shut. It wouldn't be the first injury endured, but every spawn has their preferred hiearchy of tortures that they'd rather (not) find at the end of a raw bit of misfortune, well-applied. Scalding his own cursed eyes? Oh, yes, darling. It's up there. Far, far up there.

And yet he's aligned in that cloth's shadow.

And it's sharp, at first— the kind of crispness that runs in anything white-hot, piercing its way through beseiged senses—




....only....it isn't?

No. No, it isn't.

It's cool. It's cold. That's all there is. No tailing wave of agony. No Searing blister. No stabbing bite. His heartbeat's in his throat, but even that tails off in the steadier aftermath, now that the pressure (and clean water) carefully applied has drained the swell above his lid. Wrestled its enmity down into something ugly, yet sedate.

In disbelief, both eyes open. He hadn't even heard what Fenris said over the pounding in his ears, and now—
]

Well, shit.

[Don't mind him, Fenris. He's a little breathless. A little distracted. That comment isn't aimed at you, though it does sound like it, doesn't it?]
illithidnapped: (12)

[personal profile] illithidnapped 2024-06-12 10:17 pm (UTC)(link)
[The wash of that rag has him listless; it vanishes the second that he understands how this has to seem. Alertness snapping back into his vision, compressing everything he feels into a single, blinding point: like an engine sputtering to life in a rush of animated reflex, he wears his thoughts across his sleeve. His tattered, bloodstained sleeve. Silk snagging a little under the indent of Fenris' waiting thumb, wrapping just around its edge.

—oh?
]

Oh.

No, neither. [When everything he knows is barbed wire and fanged sharpness and want, he oscillates, still. The same overquickened sense of footing, there and gone again; excuse like an explanation, only it sinks inside his throat instead of rises.] You don't need to stop.

[He can't recall the last time he's said that.]

Let's just say that the way you were altered isn't the same way that I was.

Running water has a nasty tendency to burn when in contact with the accursed. Quite literally burn. [Masked on the off chance it was a telltale trackmark for vampirism and its revilement, but now— with so much care melting him away through every second of tread mercy, a temptation he can't shake. Never could, though he'd always paid its price.] I was prepared to endure it. I've felt so much worse for a great deal less in the grander scheme of all these years, that a little pain would only be worth it if it meant not gawking uselessly at you through a half-functioning pair of eyes.

Now I—

Gods, I don't know what to think.

[A blink, and Fenris' hands feel so damned sturdy that he drifts for just a beat beneath its run. Leaving someone else's hold across the reins. Unfamiliar. Too familiar.

Changed.
]

....I really am free of him, aren't I.
Edited 2024-06-12 22:18 (UTC)
illithidnapped: (120)

[personal profile] illithidnapped 2024-06-20 10:13 pm (UTC)(link)
[For those seconds when those banded fingers tuck under his chin, he remembers how it feels to be a spawn; his heart shudders in its moors before it stops and stays unbeating, tense in a way it hasn't been since waking up, when nausea and discomfort ached in time with its swift, hard pulse.

His eyes shut. Both of them this time.

He doesn't breathe.

He only listens.


And then the patter of a wrung-out rag pulls him back into the present swath, bearing the brunt of his attention when he wipes his cheek across the corner of one sleeve to dry it (never mind that it smears his skin with red again, just there), uniquely docile in the next few beats when he holds up both his palms.
]

....you're a dangerously generous thing for someone who's been through so much. [Knife's edge, those words. Balanced like a dagger on the tongue. I'm not a pet project some part of it implies, but it's less the rattling of a serpent's guarding tail and more the assertion of something well aware it's standing on its last legs. Only legs. Unsteady legs.

He needs the help. Hells, some part of him even wants it, winding willingly into the shadows of the firelight in a mirror to the slow reach of his hands.

That doesn't change the part of this he fears, so much so that he can't say it.
]
illithidnapped: (A28)

[personal profile] illithidnapped 2024-07-10 12:49 am (UTC)(link)
[A snort slides free from the narrow space between the back of his fangs and the roof of his mouth, burning that much hotter than he's used to— throwing himself off guard by his own attempt at amicable amusement. The way it feels, twice over: one side of the scale wearing the peculiarity of socialization the likes of which he hasn't known in ages, on the other: sweltering humidity, brought on by a beating heart. An aching heart. The jolting pulse of soft blood in his veins—

—smeared across a dampened rag.

No, some part of it implies along the wry edge of a downturned smile, no, I've no intent to rob you.
]

Whatever satisfies. [Astarion concedes slowly, unaware of his own flush candor. Holding out his other hand, the picture's only in the details to his mind; he can't see the forest— just the trees that grant him shade. The darker smudge of green on canvas, impossible to navigate, but pleasantly, pleasantly lost.]

To that end: what exactly is your cause?
illithidnapped: (127)

[personal profile] illithidnapped 2024-07-11 03:08 am (UTC)(link)
[Later, when they're closer, this conversation will mean more than it does now, when all concepts are vague beyond the sound of Fenris' voice and the inflection with which they're said: the drawn lines across his skin (different than the feel of being washed, albeit no less caring), doing enviable work to stitch together what Astarion's already ascribed full names and details to, having more than just the simplest of concepts in his pockets such as good or bad or his enemy. My enemy.

Tevinter looks like Baldur's Gate. Corpyheus looks like Cazador— or perhaps a carving of Bhaal's infamous chosen. Depends on the moment. The severity of those placeholders, and the way they're emphasized.
]

Admirable. [Isn't, for now, a criticism, though it's said without a drop of the word's own meaning present.] I won't pretend that I don't appreciate becoming one more rescue-ee on that doubtlessly extensive list of liberated slaves, despite the discrepancies in ownership.

[He casts a glance down towards his palm. Still green. Still glowing.]

I take it if your Corypheus wins, things will be much, much worse for those in shackles— and without.

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